My grandmother passed away last month. There were very few things that I knew about her. The space in our relationship was due to physical distance and language differences between us. We resided on diffent Indonesian islands that were far apart. My grandmother spoke Hokkien, a Chinese dialect I didn’t speak. Her Indonesian comprehension was modest. We still would have understood each other pretty well, were it not for her poor hearing. However, the combination of poor hearing and modest Indonesian made the communication between us awkward most of the time.
In memory of her, I’ll record some of things I know about her here. Grandma was one of the prettiest woman in her neighbourhood when she was young. Grandma loved to trim plants and bargained at street markets in her free time. Grandma also loved to visit China. Before her health declined, she visited China every year. I do not know whom she visited and which city she went to. I only know she visited the Guangxi province.
My Grandmother
In the past two years, she suffered from dementia that slowly took away her memory and her bodiliy functions. Everytime my mother updated us on her declining health, I was reminded of the suffering of aging, as expounded by Longchen Rabjampa, a 14th century Tibetan scholar:
Eventually, the time comes when you slowly will lose the power of your body. It is difficult to stand, sit, or move. Your senses diminish - vision becomes obscured and hearing is faint and muffled; you forget things, your mental capacity declines. Your happiness also decreases and your mind becomes weak and tired. As your nervous system and vitality decrease in strength, you become timid and sensitive, like a little child. As your inner body and mind deteriorate, you are subject to many illnesses and injuries. As a result, you become a burden for everybody. You say that you want to die, but in fact you are terrified of dying and this compounds the mental suffering.
After her death, I requested prayers for her from a buddhist nunnery in India that I have been supporting for the past four years. May she attain a good rebirth.
In Old Age